VERBIAGE

Inspired by Harper’s Magazines “Findings” section

The ornithologist said:

the oldest ovulating osprey,

was a regular oddity among the hyenas

dining on donkey before and after Lent.

And the girl studying animal husbandry said:

Weaning goats never forget their goats.

And it was the linguist who said:

Four-letter words,

real or imagined, puzzle

even the smartest baboons.

And it was the waste management technician

who was taking late-night psych classes

 via short-wave radio who said:

Human garbage becomes a scarcity

when the poor, as a matter of sport,

sue their proctologists every chance they get.

And then there was the Special Ed teacher

with ambitions of being a top chef who said:

What we need is an edible jungle gym for the autistic.

And the CEO of British Petroleum who said:

God bless the dinosaurs!

And the boy with the binoculars who cheered:

Look, the starlings!

They're drawing the Mona Lisa in the sky.

And the head of the Homicide Division,

between stutters and nicotine fits, who said:

Imaginary kidnappers write

their ransom notes with a smile.

And finally, the man impersonating

a Madison Avenue Ad Exec,

who was really a geologist, said,

while swilling his Manhattan:

What do I do?

I’m the guy, who, when

the great circus of civilization ends,

will be shoveling the shit

of every last pachyderm.